I Thought I Could Not Write Another Word

I Thought I’d Never Write Another Word

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I Didn’t Want to Use My Computer

I Thought I Could Not Write Another Word
I Thought I Could Not Write Another Word

I know you’ve heard of writer’s’ block. For the past two days I have been dealing with what seemed even worse — brain block. It’s not  just that I couldn’t write. I couldn’t even seem to think. I didn’t want to make decisions. I couldn’t seem to make myself do even simple household tasks. I thought maybe I was coming down with something, so I spent a lot of time in bed or just reading simple escape stories and watching a bit of TV.  I did not feel like I could deal with life. I thought I’d never write another word. 

I Thought I'd Never Write Another Word
B. Radisavljevic

This surprised me because for the two days preceding this period of depression, I had been very  productive. I had sorted through all the paper on my desk and other places to get ready to enter data for my taxes. I had listed and packed ten boxes of books to donate to Goodwill to help get some of my book inventory I’m no longer selling out of my house. I had taken a short photo walk to get pictures for future blog posts.

Maybe I just wore myself out on Wednesday and Thursday, and when Friday came, I seemed to have crashed physically and emotionally. I could not write a word, not even for my daily blog, on Friday or Saturday. I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t care about anything. I wondered if I’d ever  write another blog post.

By this morning I was wondering if I was on the verge of clinical depression. I could not face the thought of another day in the house or the idea of cooking.  It’s as though my sense of responsibility  had ceased to exist. I told my husband I needed to get out but did not want to have to think about  where. So he decided to take me to lunch, and then we drove to the coast.

I Thought I'd Never Write Another Word
Leffingwell Landing, Cambria, California, © B. Radisavljevic

 

What a difference a bit of sunshine and nature can make when you feel depressed. It has worked for me before, and I was hoping it would work  today. It did.  Something inside me told me I needed a break from the routine or I just might crack up. Have you ever felt that way?

I Thought I'd Never Write Another WordI was overwhelmed by learning about approaching changes that affect bloggers and website owners that I’m not sure I can  handle technically myself. Then there are changes in social media that make me feel I’m obsolete because I don’t like publishing or getting my information on mobile devices. I don’t “get” Periscope, yet I’m hearing that’s the direction marketing is going. It makes me wonder if blogging itself will become obsolete as video and audio take over and desktop computers become obsolete.

I still don’t know how I will face the changes in the online world. Sometimes I’m tempted to just leave the virtual  world. But at least I got over my brain freeze after an hour on the coast seeing God’s beautiful creation again. Somehow seeing the waves swell as they approach the shore and crash and splash against the rocks has a healing effect on my spirit. I know they’ve been coming to  shore  since the dawn of civilization and they will continue their endless journey long after I am gone. Somehow knowing that steadies me, since God looks after me as he does his creation.

I Thought I Would Never Write Another Word
Leffingwell Landing, Wave Crashing Against Rock, © B. Radisavljevic

 

Are you stuck inside and can’t get to the ocean? Maybe this DVD of ocean scenery and sounds will help.


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6 thoughts on “I Thought I’d Never Write Another Word”

  1. Depression is an ugly monster. I am grateful your husband took you in hand and drove you to the coast. All those negative ions help us physically, and the beauty and grandeur never fail to help raise my spirits. I’m glad they did the same for you.

    But I get your overwhelm with taxes, keeping track of the mundane, and the constant changes we amateur bloggers face, trying to keep up with laws that seem almost designed to keep us down.

    I’m glad you got your mojo back and that your faith shores up your confidence. Wishing you all the best going forward.

    1. This is a hard tax year because we have to deal with my closing the book business while still having inventory and because of a capital gain we aren’t sure how to handle. Every other years we’ve done our taxes with software and been fine. The accountant’s forms are confusing to me. Still working on Schedule C, but at least I’ve started. Now if I just had you here to cook for me………

  2. I’m so glad you regained your writing mojo. The ocean air is so good for us. It has been a while since I got any, but by the same principle, opening the window during a rainstorm helps. The negative ions produced by moving water are healing for us. The desk photo made me do a double-take. I wondered how you got a photo of my desk. Seriously, right now the table across the room is the only cluttered place in my office. A couple days ago I was looking for a bag of medication I’d purchased then misplaced. A lot of loose paper got dumped on my table top while I was searching. That table is my filing table anyhow… so the paper clutter is in the right place even though it isn’t organized yet. Well, glad to know you’re feeling better and writing again. Have a nice day!

    1. It feels good to be writing again. I’m glad your foot is better now, too, so that you can get back to walking. If you are like me, a good walk also helps chase depression away. So will finally having the taxes finished when that happens.

  3. Hi! I hope you are okay now. It always happens to everyone of us. Even with other people who have a different passion like singing, designing… sometimes our own weapons rebel to us. But for me maybe God wants us to take a deep breath and always look positive in life. If sometimes we have those brain blocks whatever… maybe because God wants us to see other things to blog… and does not want us to be box on what we usually write… or maybe He wants to have a full time with you… I usually talk to God and ask Him to make me see what you things he wants me to see and it is all so cool.

What thoughts do you have about this?