I Didn’t Want to Use My Computer
I know you’ve heard of writer’s’ block. For the past two days I have been dealing with what seemed even worse — brain block. It’s not just that I couldn’t write. I couldn’t even seem to think. I didn’t want to make decisions. I couldn’t seem to make myself do even simple household tasks. I thought maybe I was coming down with something, so I spent a lot of time in bed or just reading simple escape stories and watching a bit of TV. I did not feel like I could deal with life. I thought I’d never write another word.
This surprised me because for the two days preceding this period of depression, I had been very productive. I had sorted through all the paper on my desk and other places to get ready to enter data for my taxes. I had listed and packed ten boxes of books to donate to Goodwill to help get some of my book inventory I’m no longer selling out of my house. I had taken a short photo walk to get pictures for future blog posts.
Maybe I just wore myself out on Wednesday and Thursday, and when Friday came, I seemed to have crashed physically and emotionally. I could not write a word, not even for my daily blog, on Friday or Saturday. I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t care about anything. I wondered if I’d ever write another blog post.
By this morning I was wondering if I was on the verge of clinical depression. I could not face the thought of another day in the house or the idea of cooking. It’s as though my sense of responsibility had ceased to exist. I told my husband I needed to get out but did not want to have to think about where. So he decided to take me to lunch, and then we drove to the coast.
What a difference a bit of sunshine and nature can make when you feel depressed. It has worked for me before, and I was hoping it would work today. It did. Something inside me told me I needed a break from the routine or I just might crack up. Have you ever felt that way?
I was overwhelmed by learning about approaching changes that affect bloggers and website owners that I’m not sure I can handle technically myself. Then there are changes in social media that make me feel I’m obsolete because I don’t like publishing or getting my information on mobile devices. I don’t “get” Periscope, yet I’m hearing that’s the direction marketing is going. It makes me wonder if blogging itself will become obsolete as video and audio take over and desktop computers become obsolete.
I still don’t know how I will face the changes in the online world. Sometimes I’m tempted to just leave the virtual world. But at least I got over my brain freeze after an hour on the coast seeing God’s beautiful creation again. Somehow seeing the waves swell as they approach the shore and crash and splash against the rocks has a healing effect on my spirit. I know they’ve been coming to shore since the dawn of civilization and they will continue their endless journey long after I am gone. Somehow knowing that steadies me, since God looks after me as he does his creation.
Are you stuck inside and can’t get to the ocean? Maybe this DVD of ocean scenery and sounds will help.